THIS IS AN EDITED EXCERPT FROM MY BOOK COMING OUT THIS SUMMER CALLED, I WANT TO SERVE.
As a Christian, it is not hard to fall into the trap of believing that taking advantage of opportunities is mostly about serving other people. We see Jesus’ example of constantly serving people, remembering that He “came not to be served, but to serve” (Mark 10:45) and think that’s how we should be. We should always be pouring out. But when we get stuck in that mindset, we forget Jesus’ reliance on His Father. Jesus constantly created opportunities for Himself to spend time with His Father so that He could remain grounded in His identity as The Son of God and serve His Father well. It is no different for us as believers.
Acting on opportunities isn’t just about serving others, but about allowing others to grow us and serve us as well. We can’t just pour out. We need to be poured into as well, and should be looking for opportunities to receive that support.
Two Lies Satan Feeds Us Concerning Mentors
I was terrible about allowing others to serve through mentorship during college, a time when I really needed that help. I always assumed that professors would be too busy to talk to me or that it wasn’t worth the time to engage them during their office hours. I foolishly assumed that I was ok, and was far better at looking for opportunities to serve other people. The problem with this perspective was that it led to Satan fostering two contrasting lies within my own heart. First, I began to elevate myself and think that I legitimately didn’t need the wisdom and mentorship of a more mature Christian to guide me. At the same time though, rooted in my heart was this belief that I didn’t think I was worthy of being supported.
Struggles Without Mentors
Directly after college, my wife and I moved to the Dominican Republic to become missionary teachers at a Christian, bilingual, college prep school. It was through this experience that I realized my desperate need for an older mentor to invest in me. Despite a love for the Dominican culture, people, and my students, those years were incredibly lonely and frustrating ones for me. I would have benefited immensely from having somebody speaking truth into my life because there were several aspects of our time there that I didn’t handle well.
Katie and I thought we were entering a ministry that had a strong Christian culture and support but quickly realized that wasn’t the case. The average age of the people who worked at the school was probably in their late twenties and many were young Christians with little biblical knowledge and some dangerous worldviews. Our school really lacked biblical leadership and accountability that showed in the culture and priorities.
Having just left a very safe, strong Christian environment, we had a difficult time adjusting to the school. My wife and I really struggled to forge strong relationships with people. We felt very much on the outside of a group that constantly expressed there was a great sense of community. We watched as many decisions were made and lives lived out in a way that we didn’t believe were very Christlike.
In my first year at the school, there was a guys’ “Bible study” that everyone forgot to bring their Bibles but brought alcohol and several of them got drunk. They told crude jokes and reveled in college days that involved bad decisions and lifestyle choices. It happened in my own apartment and I was so shocked and so afraid of what people would think of me if I asked them to leave.
I sat and allowed myself to isolate instead of pushing back.
The workload was overwhelming. The expectations were that the “best teachers” were the ones who put in 80 hour workweeks. Instead of supporting the teachers, some administrative staff members developed processes and passed rules that frustrated and exhausted us.
My wife and I grew a lot through our experience there, but the lack of a mentor made every step of that growth incredibly difficult. I didn’t always handle situations the way I should have. I often lacked the courage to speak up and challenge the false doctrines that were being spread. I didn’t always treat people with love or seek opportunities to point them to Christ. A big reason I floundered was that I didn’t have someone other than my wife to speak truth into my life. I couldn’t talk through my struggles and seek advice on how to handle a situation with someone who had experience.
The Bible’s Appeal to Mentorship
The entire book of Proverbs is centered around the importance of wisdom and listening to what it has to say about life. It preaches the importance to respect and consider the advice of those who are experienced in life. I wish that I had heeded its advice. Here’s some of what it has to offer:
Proverbs 12:15 - The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
Proverbs 19:27 - Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.
Proverbs 11:14 - Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.
Proverbs 2:2 - Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding;
Proverbs 19:20 - Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.
Proverbs 27:17 - Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Proverbs isn’t the only book that directs followers of Christ to listen to the experienced though. The practice of submitting to mentorship is prevalent throughout the Bible. Moses mentored Joshua to lead the nation of Israel into the promised land after Moses’ passing. The prophet Elijah took Elisha in as his own son to guide and teach him. Paul wrote letters to Timothy to mentor and build confidence in him, pointing him in the right direction. Barnabas took responsibility for mentoring John Mark, even when he had struggled at times.
There is a lot of wisdom in seeking out others who have experienced our current struggles. We don’t want to think that we can handle it all on our own. That it is prideful and isn’t how God intended things to be. God has wired us with the need and desire for connection, to be understood, and to listen to instruction. He sent Christ not only to die for our sins, but to be an example of how to live. The Holy Spirit lives within us to counsel and guide us in daily life.
So remember, life as disciples of Christ isn’t just about serving others. It is good for us to allow mentors we trust and proven wise to guide us and serve us as well. Life will still be difficult, but at least there will be people to love, challenge, and point you toward Christ amidst trying times.
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